The Almost-20-Years-Old Girl Who Wrote a Letter for Her Past, Present, and Future

Ehem.

Dear Past, 
let me tell you something: fuck you. 
Fuck you and those memories. Fuck you and every single stupid thing that have ever happened to me. I tell you this because I really hate you. No, hate is too weak. I wish I have a word more than hate to express my feelings. I hate you so much that I couldn't get enough sleep because I was over-thinking everything every night. You such an asshole who gave me bad times over and over and over again. 

Yes I admit that I'm the one who made you worst. What I'm doing a few years ago was definitely under my control, yes. And yes, it was me who became an immature creature for sure. You were bad, all because of me. Yes. That's an absolute statement. 

However, my dearest Past, I've learned so much from you. I've learned that the most terrible thing could change myself to be a better one, and the most remarkable thing could brighten up my days. Bad scenes happened because of me. I've made some wrong decisions that I regretted so much. It almost killed me, sometimes. But then I realized life isn't only about that. Life is not only about thinking of people who made you suffered and find the most elegant and smoothest way to kill them. Life isn't that bad and I know that from the very start.

There was a time I wondered how's life if I'm not being like I used to. Now, I have no guts to think of that question. How can I expect a life more than I have now? Therefore, I thank you, Past. I thank you very much for the lessons, the experiences, the foolishness, the people, and the everything-I-know-but-won't-be-written-here. 

Dear Present, 
I love you. I love you as well as I love Past. Thanks for the new atmosphere you brought to me. Thank you for the food that makes me gain weight and I'm so fuckin happy to know that. Food is my new love. I love food. I just ate martabak a moment ago and I feel so grateful. Alhamdulillaaah :) 

Dear Future, 
I don't wanna know you. I just want you to be a nice simple thing. That's all. Maybe it won't be simple because we all know the Universe loves to make a joke. Hopefully, we can make it together. Because together we can and you can do it. Just be nice, okay? Okay. 

Salaam, 
your real soulmate, Adella.