Friday, May 15, 2015


Another tough week in this new phase of life. Ea. Maybe I'm just take it too seriously but YES it is about something serious. I realized that I (kayaknya) have ruined some things and some people (secara tidak langsung (atau lebih tepatnya menurut gue)) has given me a slap right in my face. Not literally, of course. But it's so fuckin true that I felt like I've made a huge mistake. 

I'm not going to share what is going on with me but the fact is, I really want to talk with somebody, or anybody, who is a very neutral person. I just need a good listener with no feedback just for a while. Because I feel like I've already got so many... negativity not only from people around me but also from myself as well. I don't have enough space in my head for something like, "Ya lu harusnya gini, dia harusnya gitu. Lah kok kayak gini-gitu?" No, I don't need that OR SOMETHING EVEN WORSE like, "Sabar ya, semangat ya." What do you expect when you are saying that to a friend that has a terrible situation? You think that semangat can make her problem solved? You think that semangat is easy to do? No, Dude. It's hard. It's even harder for me because I'm not a type of person who could answer you "semangat" thing with,

"Iyaaa, makasih yaaa :")."

Enyahlah lo semua para pengumbar kepalsuan. Taik. 

So, here I am. Trying to fix what I've done but still don't think that it's quite enough. I always questioning this: salah nggak sih menyalahkan diri sendiri atas segala sesuatu? It's kind of question that never been answered by me. Because I have a... maybe you can call it 'don't-want-to-think-negative-over-somebody-because-sometimes-mistake-can-come-from-you-too' mindset. I feel like, if it's still connected with me, then I could be the one who messed up. One day I've got an answer from Siva, my friend in SMP, about this self-blaming problem and she said,

"Lebih baik memaafkan diri sendiri."

Yea but, how? 

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© based on a true story.
Maira Gall