Is There Any Place for the Introverts?

I'm socially awkward.

I never know how to start a social approaches. With people. Like, real people. At first, back to those puberty times when I realized that I'm a terrible introvert (later on I'll state that being an introvert itself is terrible enough), I always blame my personality. Not only blame, but also make it as an excuse for my incapability to have a social life.

"Ah, gue nggak bisa ngobrol sama orang baru. Gue kan introvert," said stupid me.

And the older I get, the more I realize that words are so freakin stupid. Because at the same time, I also figure out that I haven't done much thing to fix my social awkwardness. Yea, this girl is a good example of talk more do less.

The moment that hit me so hard about being unable to do some social approaches with people (real people) is today. Well, it's past midnight so, yesterday. I'm in an internship program right now at the Museum Nasional. Two weeks ago, my friend Tya has done this with her group. She told me that, this thing called 'job' and 'work' is the dirtiest place you've ever seen. Not literally, of course. You know lah that jilat-menjilat-atasan kind of thing for the sake of your own benefit. It's happened in here, she said. You have to approach those higher people in order to (at least) being noticed.

Excitedly, I said, "Oh, yeah, I know. Oh, wow. Yea yea, I think I should do that too later. I think I can do that."

Then my internship weeks come. Aaand... if this social approaches was a range of 1 to 5 big, shiny stars, then I've only got one star. A single, tiny, not so shiny star. Of course, for an introvert like me, it was a hella big achievement. "Yay! I did it! I socialize with new people which is so great! Oh my god can't wait to tell my mom!"

I didn't say that, I swear to god, I didn't.

But you see kan, one out of five stars. I only know this bapak-bapak who always come to us and give us some works to do. Ah, even the fact that he came to us makes it worse. From many of employees who have higher positions, from many of them that at one time I could come and have a little talk with them, I only got one (or two lah) person. Even we didn't try to have a conversation with those high schoolers yang lagi magang juga. It knocks me out when Tya protesting us, "Seminggu magang di sini kalian nggak kenal siapapun???" (yes, with three question marks)

The rest of the day, I'm questioning my social ability. Until now.

When I was in high school, being an antisocial is such a big advantage. You don't have to think about other people business, you don't have to be a part of something that soon you might regret join it, and you don't need to talk much to people. Stepping up to the college life, I'm partly being an antisocial because I took a part of some organizations and that little shit circle of friendship. Cie. I slowly started to open up a bit with those people I mostly interact with. It feels good, of course, especially the organization. Although I only spread my social spirit to sesama jurusan Sastra, but once again, it's a big thing for this introvert! Yay!

...But still, I found it hard to socialize with new people.

Some famous people said, semakin tinggi kamu, semakin susah hidup kamu. Okay, I made up that sentence. But you get my point, right? From elementary to junior high, from junior high to senior high, move to college, and then working, it all just getting harder and harder. We might think the last one is the hardest but, hey, don't worry, there is still marriage which I guarantee you---though I'm not married yet---will be very, very, very hard. Life is a stairway, you walk up in order to get up there; the goals. This 'walk up' is not just 'walk up'. You might have to crawl, climb, fall down, rise again, fall down again, go back in the stairs, balance your effort and du'a so you don't fall again, and etc etc lainnya. It's hard, but that's the funny part of life.

Go back to my issues. So I've been thinking, with the personality that I have right now (an ignorant, antisocial, weird, and cat torturers), can I survive the next stairs that I'm going to reach? Will I have a chance to do a social approaches with real people? Can I have at least a short-term relation with new people so that they won't see me as an ignorant-antisocial-weird-and-cat-torturers person? Well forget about those questions. I have one real serious question: how do I get started to decrease my social awkwardness and increase my social skill with people? What should I do firstly to start those two things? Okay, that's two question. Here, the very last question I'm going to ask:

If there's nothing I can do to help myself fixing my social awkwardness, then, is there any place for this introvert to show her social awkwardness in a decent and accepted way?



***P.S.: I don't know why I use many 'social approaches' phrase in this post. I think it sounds cool but feels a bit weird though when I re-read it. Anyone who has better phrase to replace that, I welcome you in the comment section.